|
|
Post by Chelsea Armstrong on Sept 4, 2013 10:33:09 GMT -5
Feedback please  , good...or bad, I take both. thank you! |
|
Michael James
EoV Superstar
EoV Official Match Writer
EoV World Heavyweight Champion
Posts: 92 
|
Post by Michael James on Sept 4, 2013 13:31:47 GMT -5
It sounds like James may have a new potential threat in the works lol I love how she pointed out the rejection part so yet another masterpiece in my opinion |
|
|
|
Post by Chelsea Armstrong on Sept 4, 2013 14:03:27 GMT -5
Thank ya and well it sounded good and adds to her attitude so thought I'd go along with it lol |
|
lenton
EoV Superstar
Posts: 76
|
Post by lenton on Sept 4, 2013 17:04:18 GMT -5
Very well-written and kept me interested throughout.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tommy Rowan on Sept 6, 2013 17:59:01 GMT -5
I liked it, but as I said in the past, know where to stop a sentence. There is paragraphs that go on and on without a period for a while. Here's an example.
"Laughing i reach into the white hospital bag holding my belongings as i pull out my camcorder as i hold it in front of me turning the screen to face me as i hit the record button letting my smile fill the frame before laughing again."
You could have easily said "I laugh from the ideas dancing in my mind as I pull out my camcorder and press record.".
Nothing too big, but I did find it hard to read a few times. Easily a 4 out 5, punctuation puts it down for me and I'm not usually big on Grammar and stuff like that.
|
|
lenton
EoV Superstar
Posts: 76
|
Post by lenton on Sept 6, 2013 20:13:47 GMT -5
I saw the same thing as you did Kuk, just chose not to pick it out haha.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chelsea Armstrong on Sept 6, 2013 22:04:47 GMT -5
Thanks Paco, I hadn't noticed how bad I had gotten with that until it got pointed out. Its apparently a bad habit lol ill try my best to slim it down and watch that stuff. Thank you |
|
, good...or bad, I take both. thank you! 
